Some older poems I wrote in October

10/10/13

Lonely

Lonely is often overlooked

It creeps in on solitude and crowds

Lonely doesn’t mean alone

This is for the girl who doesn’t feel like she’s enough and who never has

For the boy who was never told he means something

For the young adults, the 20 some things, who can’t figure out what’s next

What is next?

Running through life always moving

Rushing

From one event to another….

Meaning—we’re all looking for meaning and

We’re always waiting

Waiting for the next step, the next occasion

Lonely comes at the most inconvenient times

Lonely comes at all the times

It comes to the man sitting at the end of the bar, soggy coaster

Gin that drips with tears in all directions

For the one who’s misguided anger comes out all wrong

For the moms with their heads on the steering wheel, red light after red light

Adolescents, who know who they are but can’t tell

For those who will be hung over their identities

Just for who they are

And we’re all tired…

Tired of running, tired of wishing without return

This is for everyone because everyone has felt the emptiness

Everyone has been too tired to think, too tired to keep chasing meaning

What is meaning—

Is meaning the feeling you get when you watch your son’s first dance recital

Or you finally get that call from your father after 10 years

Or is waking up enough

Maybe meaning is found within ourselves… like we always thought

Or maybe, just maybe it’s in the eyes of someone who loves us

Who sees us for who we are without the murky waters of pressure

Of the expectations we put on ourselves

As unrealistic as they may be

The cloudiness of I am not enough…

Because you are enough

And when you realize that you are…

No one will be able to stop you

And lonely won’t come so often anymore

Lonely will be your distant friend

Oceans apart

Lonely

10/10/13

Insecurities—A Love Story

I saw her from across the room and I knew

I knew that all of the unstable parts of me would spill out

I did such a good job of keeping them under lock and key

Hidden behind a mysterious façade

Quiet, reserved, sullen

The day she walked into my life

Everything spilled out of my veins

My emotions, I couldn’t restrain

These emotions—crippling

I needed her to know all of me

Every last scar, the places where people disappointed me

Because that’s who I am—who we are

With all these scars smeared across my body

From these emotions

Spilled out like water from an open dam

Came all my insecurities

I am not good enough

She’s too good for me

I am not worthy of such beauty

How could she like…wait love, me

Can’t she see my bruises, the fresh one

My scars, the old buried pain

She pulled me in and from the first kiss

From that moment, I knew

I knew that she was a gift—she was the embodiment of grace

From my ashes came new life

Rebirth, innovation…

Like this was meant to save me

Like she was sent to resurrect my spirit

To make me what I was meant to be

Not to save me from the things outside

But to show me the beauty that lies within

To show me how to stop existing

And start living

10/10/13

SHE

She was a foreign language

The first time I saw her I knew any words I’d speak wouldn’t make sense

I knew that I couldn’t talk to her

Three weeks later, “Hey”

But it’s like I couldn’t understand what she said…

I said, “Uh”

She wasn’t a romance language

She was intense and quiet

She was a firework in the summer

She was a snow-covered field

I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything

I told her

“I caught feelings”

Like running to catch the ball to win the game, but missing

Because she told me she didn’t feel the same

Then one night

Her lips pressed against mine told me—

“I’m your snow-covered field

You can have every acre”

I couldn’t breathe…

I still didn’t know the words I needed to communicate with her

This was what I wanted…

Confusion rushed in

My mind began to spin thoughts like leaves in the gusty autumn

She was the most beautiful word I’d ever heard

She

And then I knew

I love you ok

That’s all I needed to say

You’re my field and my firework

You’re the most beautiful logos

The one that didn’t get away

You’re the one that stayed

SHE

10/10/13

He brought me the sunrise in a cup one morning