Spoons
I could hold my pain in a giant vat of rain
I couldn't hold my damage on an upside down spoon
I ruminate in my sorrow
Looking into the spoon, I’m both upside down and right side up
Shouldn't I get out a little more
“Shouldn't you give up the bullshit and get over yourself?”
I don't know, I'm not sure why I can’t feel my feelings
My mind searches deep within my heart, body
I can’t find the source of my yuck
“You are capable of outgrowing that bullshit”
No, sometimes I don’t want to eat
There are times all I want to do is cry
Lay in bed
BUT this world is beautiful
When I think of you I realize that my source of apprehension is you
Because I am so determined to live, to love
All I can think to say to you….
“This world is so confusing”
That doesn’t help
“But you’re going to be fine”
That does.
Voices
Your voice melts the mountains of ice in my heart, my soul
The remnants pour out of my eyes and skin when I hear your name
“There’s no place like home” that’s what that girl from Kansas said
Your middle name.
Home. Where I feel you most
Home. Where I can cuddle close to you even when you're far away
Sweatshirts, threads of once upon a time
Missing you brought me closer to God
That’s all I had left
All I had left to say… “I need you, help me”
Bring her safely through each night and day
Bring her safely back to your rocky shores, to your vibrant sun
Reflection, I See It
Youth, the most unfaithful mistress
The one that got away
Somewhere when my mind left
Sometime after my father’s death…
Something is different about our love
I can’t tell you, but it’s enough
Your visits, the kids, the talks
My confusion, the look in my eyes
I know it weighs on you
But stand by me, don’t let go
When the dust clears, on the rough days
I always smile to see you
The following poems are about realizing where I feel most at home. CPE propelled me out of my comfort zone, which was invaluable. I could not have known that I needed that boost because I was so comfortable doing what I knew, and through that push I began realize what sustains me in hard times.
Home
The Kingdom of God is like a bar on a Monday night
Stools and chairs and glasses and beer
When I leave each night I look up and on each star
I thank God for the journey so far
I've taken chances and opened my heart
Risking loss and hurt and tears
But in these things I've found love
More support than I've ever known
This place is home because it's where my love is kept
We all came a little broken hearted
But in these times we found our faith
Rethinking what we once held true
I know you hold me in hope and faith
Grasping on to what once was lost
I couldn't help but fall in love
O, the grief of losing that
Home
I'm sitting in her pews
Hearing the echoes of words that need to be heard
This is my sanctuary, quiet and loud
But just outside her doors there's suffering
Almost every day it rains
The eyes of the mother broken and buried
The brow sweats on the one who doesn't belong
The hands of the old woman are cracked and bleeding
The ones who don't mean anything to anyone…
But here in her walls though chaotic at times
All are welcome friend and stranger
At the table of the one who saved us
This is home because of the richness and continual blessings
The love I couldn't do without
A growth I never knew I needed
But here I stand better because of Hope
O, together we conquer our sorrows and woe
This poem was born out of a Bible study that I did at Phoebe Berks on Exodus 3:7-12. I did not prepare for this study because I have done numerous exegeses on this text. I wrote an extensive narrative exegesis on the second chapter of Exodus, which led to a great deal of work in the third chapter as well. Looking at this text (cold) allowed me to see different things and the Bible study really wound up being a sermon from me to the people gathered. This was appreciated by the residents because many are confused and do not verbally participate in Bible study. The first poem is a “retelling” of sorts and the second is my personal theological reflection.
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
The people are enslaved
Pain and sorrow and loss
God heard them
But where is the bliss they’re promised
A place where milk and honey flow like the river Jordan
Their cry rang through the heavens
“The oppression is too great, the suffering too close”
But this is the greatest love story ever told
The leader cried, “Who am I?”
It seemed there was no response
“Who am I?”
God heard the cry of the people and said,
“I will be with you”
I think what I learned from this is that God calls us to say, “I will be with you” to our neighbors because sometimes all we can do is be there… nothing more but surely nothing less. It’s important and these human relationships that we all have are real.
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
Throughout this journey, I rebel
“I can do this on my own’
I throw my sorrows over my shoulder
“I don’t need a savior”
But God comes to me
Off the cross, off the street
God comes down to aid me in my need
My reply, “I don’t need a savior”
God comes again to me in my need
In my suffering, God shows up
I barely care
“Where were you before,” I say
But there is something about this love
It doesn’t care what I’ve done
It isn’t contingent on my response
It’s free and it’s there and it’s always
This is the greatest love story ever told…
This is the God who came before time
In the chaos of everything
And now God calms the storms raging in me.
-LB
No comments:
Post a Comment